Wiggle it with pride, babe — God bless Disney for taking life’s realities and dipping them in sugar. You get sold a hotel room with Julia Roberts playing a Pretty Woman with a gorgeous red mane tucked under an equally gorgeous blonde wig. You get delivered something else. By “you” I mean my colleague, George, at…

Some humour sails too close to the bone — Smillew Rahcuef writes great articles! Some are an obvious parody, others I have to look twice to check. I didn’t look hard enough the other day though and he got me. Boo! He wrote an article about non-paying members and obviously, I’m going to agree they’re freeloaders, right? I got…

Knock something off my Amazon wish list instead! — Adults aren’t supposed to get excited about presents because flowers and choccies are meant to be enough. That’s like saying thinking doesn’t matter any more, just settle into the herd! It’s my birthday this month and I’m having a birthday rant about all the pretty flowers that will be arriving…

Last time he wrote something, it got used in evidence against him — My friend, Jailbird Joe*, has just got out of prison with a story to tell and no money for a ghostwriter. He wants one — needs one — because his C at English O’Level is pushing up daisies under the OMGs and AMAZINGs that make up the meat of his…

A fresh start every day — Don’t meet your heroes, they say! I looked up one of my favourite actresses on Twitter and my brain is agog listening to the drivel. What a shame, but she’s allowed to be a wokie outside of acting... so who else shall I look up? Oh, I know! That guy…

Even if it makes the children feel like shite — We all know the power of language and how it influences meaning. Swear words are language too! Lots of meaning in them. All the cool kids say fuck. Some say a lot worse. I know some pretty awful words, all learned as a child from various relatives and absorbed as…

Helping strangers is easier than helping friends — Strangers can seem like friends. Friends, like strangers. Have you ever gone to buy something, discovered you were a bit short and had someone in the queue offer to pay instead? It happened to me yesterday! I went to get some milk, got to the till and found I’d left…

A story by Ruby Lee — My reading wheels didn’t get much of an outing over Christmas and the New Year because I was too busy scaring my parents about moving in with them. So while my Saturday shout-outs took a break, they still remembered I’m supposed to be looking for stories that haunt me. And…

All we need is a house with two kitchens and separate front doors — Dysfunction aside, my parents are naturals at everything that’s feel-good about life. Not only can they turn any group of miseros into happy ravers (minus drugs and trance music), they shower everyone with hospitality, respect and food. No-one (except my sister-in-law) ever leaves their house not wanting to come back. …